Open to Everything Happy and Sad

I have been reading a lot about emotions lately. About the fact that each emotion that we experience comes to us to get our attention and help lift the veil on something we need to know about ourselves, about how they serve an essential function in connecting us to our authentic self and to what is truly important; for example, fear lets us know that the environment we are in is suddenly becoming less and less safe and that we might want to step back and reevaluate a potential threat or maybe simply flee; anger tells us that something is not aligned with our values, our principles and our integrity and that we need to set up boundaries in order to take care of ourselves; sadness is a sign that we might be facing a loss, that we need to mourn someone or something and that we may want to consider reassessing our dreams or our direction and take care of ourselves while we heal…

It took me a while to realize that even joy has a message: joy tells us that we are in the right place, doing what makes sense to us, being with people who make us feel safe, who are here for us and on whom we can rely… joy is the little softness and warmth that take our body over when our souls are smiling and experiencing some kind of serenity, purpose and contentment, and that tells us that we need to make more of this happen in our life.

Yet, learning to identify these emotions, understand their messages, and take them in consideration can be a challenge. As far as I am concerned, it takes a lot of courage to open up to the vulnerability and rawness I feel when I choose to face them, look at them and see them. It has always felt like lying in the middle of the road and trust that everyone around would care for my emotional and physical well-being. And that has not always been the case so sometimes, it seems easier to push them down and ignore them.

Still, I have recently read a lot about how we need to make room for our emotions and accept them all; how we need to let them come to the surface as shutting them down might momentarily make them disappear but it might also steal our ability to breathe calmly and to truly be ourselves. And my mind gets a bit baffled… Am I really to unleash them all and see what might happen? Sounds a bit scary and I am not sure that I would be ready to face the consequences… But lately, emotions have been raging as I might have opened up the lid somewhere along the way and they are pouring through everywhere anywhere… Yet, I have also noticed that I was able to feel some calmness below the surface, the way the sea remains calm even under the strongest and wildest waves… I am allowing myself a lot of self-compassion: I look at the sadness, the anger, the fears, and I try to understand what they are trying to tell me, which needs of mine are being unmet and I try to offer myself empathy and love… I tell myself that it is all ok, that I am wired for struggles and deceptions and that I will find my way… and I try to stop the judgments and just accept what is, right now, in this moment.

And somehow, it seems that letting myself be ok with the bad also helps me see the good that is present. That behind each moment of sadness, there can also be a moment of joy and happiness and I am slowly learning to be open to everything happy and sad and see both of those forces, opposing and yet so complementary… I feel raw and exhausted and at the bottom of the well and yet I feel alive, aligned with my authentic self while they are all present within me, somewhat slightly raging…

September 9th, 2017

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