Over the past year or so, I have crossed path with or heard about so many men who aspire at not being exclusive in their relationships that I am starting to really wonder if there is a switch in our ability to think that we can find happiness with one person.
Whether married or simply living with someone, they have chosen to allow themselves to cheat on their significant other, to secretly have other partners and to go straight back home right after having spent time in someone else’s arms, making up stories and excuses on a daily basis…
And that is when my mind starts coming up with all those questions:
- Isn’t love about being able to bare yourself and make yourself totally vulnerable in front of that one person and still feel accepted, supported, and loved?
- Isn’t love about being there for someone, no matter if things are going wonderfully well or if you are going through a rough spot… After all, I have seen many couples who made their ways through really dark times, pushing through, keeping faith and ending up even closer than before.
But more importantly, if you cannot show respect, compassion and kindness to the one person with whom you have chosen to spend your days and your nights, what does that say about your ability to love and respect yourself?
It just seems all very sad to me since I believe that it is possible for honesty to remain an option: indeed, I have also met a few men who, as they do not long for exclusivity but are not willing to lie and deceive their partner either, decide to talk about open relationship or even polylove. Their desire to retain their freedom and their ability to enjoy the pleasures of the flesh with different partners while still having one and only significant other has pushed them to have the delicate but oh so brave conversation with the persons they meet or even their partner. This last guy I was discussing this with actually has three lovers these days: he says that two of them are totally content with the situation while the third one is struggling a bit with it, probably mostly because it is the ex from whom he is separated since last summer (because she was cheating!). He rationalises the situation by saying that life as a couple becomes way too monotonous and not stimulating enough: to him, being in an exclusive relationship is barely more than having company to come home to at the end of the day, someone with whom to get dinner ready and then sit in front of the TV; and he just does not want to live that way anymore. He wants time to himself and prefers the time spent with them to be some kind of strictly entertaining, without having to discuss or worry about the routine of daily life. But how can this truly be fulfilling?
Are we so eager to have it all that we are willing to lie and betray our loved ones simply so that we can fulfill our pulsions and desires and that we would rather constantly lie and hide who we are instead of really opening up and making ourselves vulnerable in order to reach for something higher?
After all, our most meaningful achievements are the ones that require a lot of dedication, efforts, discipline and perseverance. And what kind of life would we be living if we never challenged ourselves? Adversity is rough and it will kick your ass and bring you down way too many times but overcoming it is also what makes the sky bluer, the sun brighter and our soul happier.
In short, what is the point in sharing your life with someone with whom you are not sharing your soul? Are we that desperate for companionship that we are willing to take great risks with someone’s happiness just so that we can get our ways?