Some kind of mourning

About two months ago, i fell in love…

I fell in love with this lovely apartment in a cute little house from the 1920s. From the first walk-through, i was hooked and i just knew. Everything about it was perfect: the location (close to the river, the park, and downtown), the surrounding (a little hook of green space in the middle of the city, just far enough away from the roads and the noise), and the charm of it all.

It took about three weeks for the owner to agree on a price and she was no delight.

A date to sign the first papers was set for another four weeks later.

In the meantime, i worked on figuring out the loan and the financial aspect of it all, thinking through the schedule of the construction that i wanted to get done -tearing down some walls, reconstructing the bathroom, painting, decorating, packing, moving, dreaming…

I was surprised to see how excited i was at the prospect of having to redo most everything in the main living area: the floors, the ceiling, buying kitchen cabinets and appliances, decorating, etc. Over the eight months it took me to find this place, i kept on saying that i did not want to have to do any construction; i just wanted to buy a place and move in. Now, i wanted it to be my dream home and i was ready to do whatever it was going to take to get it, searching through Pinterest and magazines and catalogues for the perfect inspiration.

And when it was time to sign the first paperworks, sitting in the notary’s office, I found out that she was not owning everything that was to be sold, that there were a family lawsuit that had been ongoing for about 10 years between mother and daughter, and that the whole project was more of a ticking bomb.

So after much soul searching and crying and wondering what and if Karma had anything to do with it, I let it go. I rationalised and researched and did all the homework that could be done, and then i said no and walked away. This was no longer what i was dreaming about.

And for the past couple of days, i have felt in some kind of mourning… I feel a bit heartbroken, and sad, and deceived, and discouraged… I do feel mostly in peace with my decision but i still have to pick up the pieces and start thinking about all that had been planned for the next 5-6 months and rethink it all.

I do want to go with the flow, but sometimes, it feels a bit too much like giving up. So i’ll do my best to keep on believing that things happen for a reason… And in the meantime, you can find me on my couch, lying through a Sex and the City marathon, thinking about Asia and my next move.



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