Back there

Back in May, 5 years after leaving it all behind, I finally flew back to America. After about seven months of sick leave, of this and of that, I was in dire need of a break. I had been wanting to go back many times before but when in the States, I always used to travel to France for my vacations and now that I was in France, I did not really feel like traveling to the States during my time off… Because if I kept on doing that, when would I ever get to go visit the rest of the world?

But because of my health issues, carrying around a backpack or travel to some unknown place seemed a little bit tricky so I just took it as an opportunity to go back to my other home country… One of my closest friends was way into her second pregnancy so I could stay with her and just rest; another two of my closest friends were getting married and I would be able to attend the wedding so it was kind of all working out wonderfully…

When I landed at the Washington airport, my friend was there to pick me up and as soon as we got into his car, he handed me his cell phone and asked me to use the GPS to guide him back home because he thought I was so good with directions and driving everywhere… Well, let me tell you this: I AM! For a couple of years or so, or maybe simply since I got back to France, I often feel out of the loop with what’s going on around me: I have a hard time putting my thoughts together and expressing myself; my critical thinking and my ability to argument have been MIA and my pool of adjectives has kind of dried out… Now I don’t know if it is early alzheimer or what (jk), but it has nonetheless been very disorienting and frustrating to me. And suddenly, here I was on some major 5-6 lanes highway in an area I was not even familiar with and I felt that my brain finally rewired itself. I could see all the signs and all the exits and everything was totally fluid and coherent… Everything felt right as if this was what home was supposed to feel like… It kept going for the rest of the trip. I always felt so at ease with everyone and everything… I could hear words coming out of my mouth that I barely knew existed in my brain… There were all my adjectives: in my English pool of words, making me wonder whether I should simply move to some English-speaking country in order to feel like I can make sense again.

To be continued…

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