It is a little bit early in the year to be thinking about Christmas…
But I have been thinking about Christmas for months, getting myself ready for it… You see, when living in the US after my divorce, there was no family with whom to spend that holiday… I traveled to France once but I found it complicated to fly internationally around that time of year. Some years, friends would invite me to spend Christmas with their family but after one last Christmas alone there, I was even more motivated to move back to France: I figured I would never have to spend the holidays alone and that was so comforting to me.
Turned out I was wrong! My family, in some way, is not that much into Christmas. So since I have been back, I have already ended up spending that day without family or without celebration a couple of times. My older brother will spend every other Christmas in the family of his significant which means that every other year, it is only my parents and me (it seems my younger brother will routinely spend that day with the family of his significant other). A couple of years back, my parents decided that they would simply take off for the week since both of my brothers were not going to be available and I was very grateful that a friend of mine invited me to spend the day in the family of her boyfriend (sounds complicated, uh!).
Now don’t get me wrong: we will pick a date to have a family dinner and exchange gifts at some points between late December and early January but it simply does not replace the fact that I sometimes have to wake up alone on Christmas day. It is hard… and it does make me sad… but I am trying to accept what is. And even if I wake up alone in my bed on that day, I at least get to have a bed and a home that is becoming more and more lovely to me.
This year will be an off-year again and I have been getting myself ready for it since December of last year. I know that expectations lead to disappointments so I have been lowering mine. And last week, I was able to finalize my plans for the upcoming holidays… And believe me, I am already feeling quite merry about it!