A little bit lost…

I have to share that it has been difficult lately to find inspiration for this blog… Life in France is becoming routine and sometimes, I actually wonder whether I dreamed my life in the US. Recently, I was chatting with some colleagues and over the course of the conversation, I ended up talking about my time in Boston, NY, Florida, NC, etc. The words were coming out of my own mouth but it all felt a bit surreal… Did I really live all those lives in all those different places? Did it truly happen or have I simply been dreaming a little bit too much?

At the same, I have been missing my other homeland a lot over the past couple of months. Maybe it was all exacerbated by the holiday season and the new year… After all, this is the time of the year when we take a deep look at our journey and assess whether we are going in the right direction or whether we need to change our course in order to hold on to our true north. I have truly been missing America… And I miss exactly what I thought I would miss: the wide and empty highways, the day trips to the Atlantic ocean shores, the extra space everywhere, the empty grocery stores, and most importantly, I miss that feeling that kept me there for so long, that intense feeling of being free to do whatever I wanted to do… I miss being inspired and I miss feeling empowered. Life in France feels safe to me… While life in America just tasted so much sweeter… There was room for everyone’s dream and it truly felt that if you put your heart and soul into something, you were most likely to succeed.

In France, there are so many more factors to take in consideration… Because a state that promises to take care of you when you get older can in all fairness interfere in your life and keep track of everything about you… You need to provide a stable home address… You need to report so many things about your life to the government that from where I stand, it almost feels like I have to give up some of my rights to privacy… In some ways, I also feel like relying on the government for some of my personal needs is also giving up some of my freedom. Dealing with the health insurance system has been so frustrating that there were many times when I just wished I could just skip the whole thing and go buy my own private health insurance. Furthermore, can you really be free when you depend on someone for a lot of your basic needs? It seems that choosing to just get up and go would put you out of the system and since there is no option beside being in the system, it could all be quite constrictive… So, whereas in the US I always felt so free, lately, I mostly feel lost and I miss my past freedom…


2 thoughts on “A little bit lost…

    1. :)

      I think St. Paul might be too cold for me though! ;) Every winter I get reminded that I need lots of sun and warm temperatures all year round…

      Miss you too… We should try to Skype soon… I want to see my favorite student ever and see how good his French is going… :)


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