I have to admit that I have been having a hard time recovering from the job loss… I have been waking up in the middle of the night, thinking about everything that went down, trying to rationalize what happened, attempting to understand what I might have done wrong, trying to figure out what I could have done differently… I really did like that job… I mean, here I was given the opportunity to spend my days reading in English and look for typos and punctuation errors which is something I love doing whenever I read for pleasure.
Still, no matter how much I thought about it, I kept ending up with the same conclusion: the environment was filled with too much negativity and toxicity for me to handle in the long run. I don’t really want to keep talking about the king of things I have heard and witnessed while working there. I just don’t want to spend too much of my energy and my time judging or criticizing another person. And I was nicely reminded of that when I received this in an email two days ago:
“Speaking bad about someone can seem so harmless, yet be so dangerous,
on so many levels. Save yourself a headache today. Change the topic.
Exit the conversation. Put your spirituality where your mouth is.”
Furthermore, yesterday, at my new work place, I looked around and suddenly felt filled up with the kindness of the people that surrounded me… and the mere fact that I experienced that moment felt wonderful but also made it so clear to me that there was something really wrong about that other work place. With hindsight, and as I am slowly letting go, accepting what is, and moving on, I feel relieved that I do not have to struggle with the feeling of being pulled apart. I can focus on being me again without having to spend too much energy fighting the negativity…
“We tell ourselves stories. We weave together different plot lines, wondering if the outcome of the story might be different were we to have done or said something other than what we had done or said, all the while knowing that the various alternative outcomes are just more stories – fictions meant to distract us from what’s actually happening. And so we pause from weaving and commence breathing, gently and non-judgmentally saying hello to what is…
Chuck Lorre Productions, #335